SEX ADVICE: Common Mistakes in people make in the bedroom (and how to fix them)
#5: Thinking You Don’t Need Lube
Trust us, you need lube.
Apart from making condoms easier to break, you are more likely to cause injury, tears and/or soreness when lube isn’t use – making for rather unpleasant experiences and shorter love-making sessions.
Saliva does not offer the same level of lubrication and dries much quicker than you would think.
Nobody likes going in dry, so lube up and let the good times roll…
There are lubes designed for anal play, for use on latex, on toys, etc. Typically you would be using a water-based lube for general play.
For those not keen on the taste, deliciously flavoured alternatives are available that can also add another element of fun to your play.
#4: Not Understanding Good Sexual Hygiene Practices
Beside the obvious ‘safe sex is great sex’ – there are many practices that encompass good sexual hygiene practices.
A point not stressed enough in sex-ed classes, UTI’s (Urinary Tract Infections) can occur following sex and can typically be prevented by urinating after sex. Although more commonly effecting women, men can also develop UTI’s also.
UTI’s are not sexually transmitted diseases but are caused by bacteria entering the urethra and causing infection. Left untreated, it can result in bladder and kidney infections which are much more difficult to treat and can be life threatening.
Showering habits tend to be opposites for men and women, with men tending to under-clean and women over-clean, both creating their respective issues.
Women overwashing can lead to issues ranging from irritation to becoming highly susceptible to infections like BV and thrush. The vagina is adept at self-cleaning and should never be ‘cleaned’ through douching or washing as it disturbs the PH and healthy bacteria keeping it healthy.
Men that don’t adequately wash form a cheesy-looking build up underneath their foreskin (aka smegma) that harbours all sorts of bacteria and can have unpleasant odours. To clean properly, all thats required is pulling the foreskin back and washing around the head of the penis while in the shower.
Toys also require regular cleaning, always use a toy-safe cleaner and wash between uses to maintain hygiene and longevity of your toys.
Other essential hygiene practices include keeping nails short and clean (as well as hands washed) prior to inserting into any orifice – nobody wants the dirt and filth under your nails inside of them. Chipped and broken nails can also catch and cause injury.
#3: Trying Moves/Positions on Porn
We could probably write a book on moves and positions that people think are pleasurable to others (but actually aren’t).
Just because you’ve seen it in porn and it looks enjoyable, does not mean it translates into real world pleasure. We touched on this subject in our previous article “IS PORN RUINING YOUR SEX LIFE” (worth a read) and is extremely applicable in terms of what you are doing wrong in the bedroom.
The key to great sex is position, rhythm and atmosphere.
Position: Not necessarily meaning specific sexual positions (although, they do help), you can utilise your surroundings and tools to help change the depth and location of penetration. Examples can include using pillows under hips to elevate the pelvis and change the trajectory of the penetration (to make it easier to hit the G-spot in women or P-spot in men).
Rhythm: Frenetic energy is much more distracting than in is pleasurable. Keeping a steady pace will see much better results as opposed to a pace that’s all over the place. If you struggle keeping to a good pace, you may wish to try playing music during your sessions and work on a rhythm that is most pleasurable to you and your playmate.
Atmosphere: By that we mean everything not related to the immediate act. Appealing to all other senses; touch, taste, smell and sight. Creating an environment that is conducive to letting go of sexual inhibitions. Light some scented candles, touch all over with a full body massage, explore using your hands, lips and tongue.
#2: Viewing Toys as “Cheating”
Toys are an invaluable asset in your sexual arsenal.
The range available is extensive and can appeal to anyone’s sexual tastes. From cockrings that can prolong and strengthen erection to anal beads and butt plugs.
Some people are intimidated by their use with a partner as they feel it is emasculating or a reflection of their own poor performance or inadequacies. Toys shouldn’t be viewed in opposition to you but instead as an extension of your sexual expression.
Explore what you like and what others like with the addition of toys, you may surprise yourself with how many more sensations and experiences you actually enjoy.
Couples toys are also available for those looking to explore simultaneously.
#1: Not Understanding Consent
Even with the creation of new Affirmative Consent Laws in NSW there has been very little in the way of education on consent.
Having to “convince” someone or pushing someone until they either have to either say no or acquiesce puts the onus on them to have to “stop” an action rather than actively seeking enjoyment in activities you mutually enjoy together. This is probably one of the biggest issues between couples sexually and causes resentment and frustration. Sex isn’t something that should happen to you, it shouldn’t feel like something negative or a chore.
Particularly with the new laws, the onus is now on everyone to seek clear consent from partners – “thinking” that someone “maybe” okay with an action is no longer acceptable either by society or under the law.
Consent can be given or withdrawn at any time. Consent should be given enthusiatically and without pressure.
Keep your night Discreet…